This is TL;DR. Like, more than usual TL;DR. Forgive.

• I’m going to be talking in clauses for this entry. Is that okay? Sorry, grammar Nazi followers.
• Ate lunch with Gwen at Rice Box, which is the first time I’ve ingested any kind of fried rice in x years. It was cooked with margarine instead of oil! That sounds gross, but damn it was good. This is why I gained the freshman 15, and why I’m keeping the freshman 15.
• Rice Box has this huge flat screen TV mounted on one of the walls, which is pretty hilarious because the place is tiny. It was on full volume the entire time.
• I’m going to spend the next bullets talking about a movie and a TV show now, probably in less-than-sensical terms because I’ve been spending too much time writing a research paper on British-imposed sanitation laws in colonial Singapore and their underlying racialist undertones, so I might not be in the most “ON” state of mind.
• It was on GMA7, which was broadcasting that Lake House-ripoff-but-more-extreme movie that Iza Calzado and Dingdong Dantes did a few years back. Iza Calzado is this girl in her 20’s during Magsaysay’s term. She’s engaged to the evil, violent, social climbing Juancho played by Paolo Contis (of course). And Dingdong is in 21st century living in the house where she once lived, which is in modern day Makati apparently (what?) and have magical conversations with this time-transcendental old school telephone. Okay, it’s actually a cute concept for a popcorn movie (hey, I was moved by The Time Traveler’s Wife too, okay I’m not made of stone despite appearances) except it felt obliged to tick ALL. THE. CLICHES.
• Such as: Juancho slapping Iza Calzado after he walks in on her dreamily painting Dingdong’s face. (She’s a suppressed female artist, of course! And of course she asks her time-transcendental lover to describe himself so she can paint him!) Juancho’s palm hits her face with the SPLACK! dramatic sound effect that doesn’t sound at all like a hand hitting a cheek, but is actually more reminiscent of the sound a ton of meat would make when it hits the pavement if a meat delivery truck were to hypothetically spill its entire stock from atop a Makati skyscraper.
• Also: Dingdong dramatically CRYING IN THE RAIN with flashing thunder and the Scarlett O’Hara “As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again!” pan out. He keels over and makes a fist at the sky to signal his despair, of course.
• The saddest part in all of this is: The movie is formula down to the letter, and its portrayal of the Iza Calzado character probably is reminiscent of what women of that period had to go through. But you know what? They do that shit to female characters on soaps all the time even without the time warp. NOTHING HAS CHANGED, PEOPLE.
• Oh, and Karylle plays Iza Calzado’s modern day great grand niece or something (if such a thing exists) and—SHOCKER!—Dingdong ends up with her. Yay, Disney compromises!
• While all this was going on, I was also simultaneously watching Glee season 3 episode 3, Asian F on Gwen’s laptop because we wanted to rub it into the faces of the people in the shop that we don’t like campy GMA Films-produced movies even if I was secretly sneaking glances on the huge-ass flat screen anyway. Anyway, the Glee episode was weird and insane and man do I miss season 1.
• Speaking of all the cliches, the Glee writers pulled that shit too. Mike Chang’s father is an Asian stereotype! Mike’s A- in Chemistry isn’t good enough for Harvard so of course he has to quit dancing! But he doesn’t want to quit dancing because in his own words, “I only feel special when I’m doing this [spinning dance move!].” He has an angst-fueled dance scene by himself in the studio, of course. He conjures up imaginary Tina and imaginary Stereotypical Overbearing Asian father, of course. Wow, this post is just filled with “of course.” 
• Uuuughhh, why am I still watching this show?
• But wait, there’s a touching scene where Mike’s mother promises to intercede on his behalf because she dreamed of being a dancer too, but her Asian parents repressed her dreams (of course)! Okay, wait, that’s not the touching scene. The touching scene is when he suddenly pulls her into a waltz. Awwwww! But maybe that’s just my mommy attachment issues talking.
• There is a manufactured conflict between Rachel and Mercedes that doesn’t have enough foregrounding in previous episodes but of course it happens anyway and I shouldn’t be surprised because at this point I know that the Glee writers are one-episode-only kind of writers just like I’m trying to cram all these thoughts in one sentence even if in fact it shouldn’t stand by itself and it’s already a fucking run-on. “You mean TV shows are supposed to be continuous and episodic? No freaking way, dude! Novel fucking concept.” That’s what Glee episodes are. A series of fucking run-on’s.
• There’s this random scene taken from Dreamgirls that suddenly erupts out of nowhere apparently to dramatize Mercedes’ exit from Glee club (spoiler?). But, like, the scene from Dreamgirls doesn’t have any semblance of intertext to her situation. The reference as weak as attempting to get an intertext between Lord of the Rings and Beauty & the Beast the Fairytale because they both feature rings!!!! Or, heck, Lord of the Rings and weddings!!!!!
• Darren Criss is cute. Of course. I love him, but you already know that seeing as I unashamedly watched him live at TriNoma and I don’t regret that experience at all. YAY DARREN! BLAINE CAN DO NO WRONG XXOXOXO HEART HEART CAT FACE SMILEY :31111!!!!1!11!1!!
• There’s this thing about Emma’s parents being Ginger Supremists and racists and blah blah blah and the Glee writers try to wrangle in an anti-racist message, BUT IT’S TOO LATE GLEE WRITERS YOU ALREADY DID AN ENTIRE EPISODE CENTERED AROUND THE IDEA THAT AN A MINUS IS AN ASIAN F.
• Fine, I’m being too vehement about this, but I am writing a paper about British imperialism in Singapore so I’m sensitive about my Otherness right now, okay? 
• Unless this episode is actually meant to be some sort of self-referential meta-irony crapola, then it’s just bad and sloppy like this blog entry. Actually, scratch that. If it meant to be some sort of self-referential meta-irony crapola, then it achieved its goal. Congrats, Glee writers. You put crapola on TV.
• I don’t have a closing bullet. What should I put on my closing bullet? This blog entry is postmodern self-referential meta crapola?
• GOODBYE MY HISTO PAPER AWAITS sorry I have this strange sense of satisfaction from pressing down on the CapsLock key. It’s a bad form of stress management, I know.